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What do married couples fight about?
Today I wanted to share with you what I believe married couples fight about the most. We all have arguments with our spouse. Some argue more often than other married couples. There are those small disagreements and then there are those big arguments that last a while. Either way, not exactly a fun time. In my opinion, newlyweds fight more often than experienced married couples. The happy ones, that is. I do believe married couples fight over a few common problems. I’ll go through a list of them and some helpful solutions that have helped my husband and I in the past. We’ve been married for almost eight years now. Here’s a disclaimer: I do not claim to be a marriage expert therefore, I am only sharing tips that have worked for my marriage.
There are some common arguments married couples have.
My husband and I have had our fair share of arguments in our marriage throughout the years. We fought more often as newlyweds versus now that we have been together for a while. Don’t get so down on yourself or your husband when you argue. Arguments aren’t a terrible thing, but they don’t feel good. It’s never a good time when you’ve upset the one you love and care for. I believe it’s okay to disagree with your partner but it’s not okay to turn every little disagreement into an argument. Unpopular opinion for married couples: IT’S OKAY TO DISAGREE.
What can cause married couples to fight .
- Jealousy towards others.
- Trying to control an aspect of your lives.
- Differences in opinion.
- Not being on the same page and refusing to get on one.
These are the most common issues I can think that can cause a marriage to have issues. A quick note: I am not going to touch on the subject of infidelity because I believe that’s your own personal marital issue that does require counseling and your privacy.
You need to be on the same page with your spouse on certain things.
Look, I realize that during the beautiful journey of marriage you are going to be learning a lot. I learned SO much about my husband throughout these years. I’m not going to sit down and share it ALL, but I will share some. For all those married couples who are struggling with arguments and you feel like you’re going through a rough patch in your marriage, I UNDERSTAND how you feel. My hubby and I went through over a year of a rough patch and I’m happy to say it does get better.
You really need to put in the work though and get on the same page as your spouse on a LOT of things. One being finances. This one is so difficult for some versus others. It was hard for my husband and I. Growing up I came from a more traditional home where my dad worked a 6-3 day job for many, many years. My husband wanted to start his own business and he did. That was something I just wasn’t used to. So, it took a few years to really accept, learn, and be on the same page about that.
I always feel like there’s someone in the marriage who’s better at finances than the other. I don’t know if you’re both accountants, but usually we have one that’s more of a spender and one that is more of a saver. I’m more of the saver! Realizing who’s more of the penny pincher in the marriage can be so beneficial. It’d be great if that person managed the household finances. Whatever you decide to do, try to be on the same page!
Jealousy towards others.
If you’re going through any jealousy in your marriage right now, I’m sorry. I really don’t like dealing with this issue and I don’t think many people do. My first piece of advice is to pray about it. God can give you much more peace and understanding than this blog post right now. He loves you and wants to see you HAPPY, period. Marriage is hard work though and that has to be taken into consideration. My next piece of advice, is you need to talk to your spouse on this sensitive subject. Keeping this to yourself isn’t going to help out your marriage, believe me.
Once you begin to hold things in inside and keep secrets, it’s just creating more turmoil in your marriage than there already is.
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Being a Godly woman is what I strive most to be every single day. Not just in my marriage, but in every aspect of life because I believe in God and His many miracles. “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.” Proverbs 31:10.
Remind yourself that your worth is so much more than any other person you may feel like you’re competing against. God is good and he loves you two. Work on your marriage and keep God first. There’s no reason to not.
Trying to control someone.
This is a huge issue that’s very common in marriages. People can be controlling at times, whether it’s not coming from a good place or it IS coming from a good place, it’s still not okay. When you are being too controlling, you end up pushing away your spouse. Work on your control issues and if your partner is trying to control something in your life that you aren’t okay with, you need to make sure to talk to them about it. Being controlling can’t be overlooked or swept under the rug, dismissing it.
It’s important to be supportive of your spouse, rather than try to control them. And I know what it’s like when you just want the “best” for someone. But you’re doing what YOU think is best, not what God thinks is best. And even if it IS what God thinks is best, that’s not up to you to decide. Pray to God over any issues that you’re dealing with over your spouse and don’t try to control them. Learn to love, live, and let go instead.
Differences in opinion.
It’s hard to always agree with someone. In fact, it’s probably impossible. You’re bound to run into a difference of opinion with your spouse at some point or another. When that does happen, you need to be okay with it. Not everyone is going to think, act, talk, walk, and be like you. You need to remember that and respectfully listen your spouse’s point of view. Sometimes, it’s easier said than done, I know. But you need to practice being patient and listening to the person you love! There’s nothing wrong with spending a little more time than you wanted to on the topic. You might learn a thing or two.
All I’m saying, is don’t become close minded. That’s not going to get you anywhere.
Not being on the same page.
We all have those days when we just aren’t getting along with our significant other. I do get irritated some days with my husband and I just need a break! So, go take one. Even putting in your headphones and listening to a good podcast isn’t a bad idea. You’re only human and breaks are okay.
Eventually, you need to realize you’ve GOT to get on the same page with your spouse. And sometimes that requires a lot of thinking and time. That’s okay! Marriage is not supposed to be rushed. This is a lifelong commitment you made to someone else, so it is going to feel overwhelming at times. But that does not mean in any way, shape, or form that big decisions need to be rushed. Even the small ones! Remember to put a bookmark in your argument and come back to it when you are ready to make some choices. I’m praying God works wonders in your marriage and your argument isn’t so huge.
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:9.
Have a blessed day and don’t forget to try to forgive and let go. God bless.
Until next time,