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How to deal with Mom Guilt

How to deal with mom guilt.

how to deal with mom guilt

Moms, we have ALL been there. Some days as a stay at home mom are so bad that you spend all your day what seems like arguing with your kids and then you tuck them into bed at night and feel the dreaded mom guilt. The feeling of mom guilt is truthfully one of the most terrible and saddest feelings I’ve ever experienced. Being a mom is already tough, but being a stay at home mom can be mentally draining.

And as much as I love being a mom, it is so difficult to be a perfect mom at all times. And it’s near impossible. Sometimes, I really wish I were the perfect mom. I truly wish I was an “on point” mom all of the time, but it’s just not possible. I want to share with you today how to deal with mom guilt. Mom guilt is always near for me every day. Do you struggle with trying to be perfect? Do you feel guilty when you want time to yourself away from the kids? Then, this post is definitely for you.

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Mom guilt is a normal feeling.

Today is one of those days I am feeling mom guilt.

how to deal with mom guilt

I feel as though, I could have and I should have just done better. You see, I thought that I had started this day out perfect so that I wouldn’t end up with mom guilt. Boy, was I wrong. I took my kids to four different places on my own today, similar to most days. Yes, I was asking too much for a Saturday morning. But, my husband works so much and I needed to get some errands done on the weekend. My oldest needed a new sweater, a fruit basket was needed for the kitchen, and I apparently really needed some pastel Midliners for my planner and I didn’t want to wait another month for my order to arrive.

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Mom guilt feels present most of the time.

Either way, it was definitely a handful to go to four places with both kids, especially with one under 2. The mom guilt was present the entire time. But why? That’s a good question.

I DO NOT KNOW.

I mean, I bought my kids their toys. That’s a TREAT. Am I right, moms? If I’m buying them toys, why am I feeling mom guilt for telling them to not touch every single toy they see on display by the register? Or to please oh please, lower their excited little voices because the cashier already looks annoyed? 

No matter how perfect of a mom I want to be, I have to teach my children rules and discipline. I think as a new mother, I wanted to always have my children smiling and happy. What parent doesn’t? I believe this feeling is completely normal and very present at all times. So, do not fret. 

Don’t be afraid to set boundaries.

A few months ago my husband and I were going through our finances. At the time I was keeping track of our purchases with my spending tracker in my planner. We were shocked to discover we were spending $60 monthly on their toys. That alone can pay for a phone bill! I remember jumping up about to exclaim, “You have GOT to be kidding me,” when I stepped onto a broken toy. Not only did that hurt my foot, but it made up my mind too. My toddler had broken it already and my oldest had broken hers as well.

Right then and there I just looked at my husband and agreed with him, “They need a toy budget.” By the way if you’re wondering how that is going, this month my oldest is on her fourth toy and my youngest is on her second toy. The set budget was 3 toys a month, go figure. 

Don’t let mom guilt take over.

Anyway, back to our outing. Even before we had left on our shopping trip, I had created a plan and schedule in my head. I almost always get anxiety going on a trip with these girls. 100% not with my oldest, at all. But, my little baby heading into her terrible two’s? You bet I’m nervous taking her out. In the end, the trip was successful. All my items were checked off the list. However, my nerves were FRAYED. I kept going through the motions, of course.

Nap-time came around soon enough for my toddler and this mama felt like it was nap time too. The only problem? My oldest thought, hey mom IT’S MY PLAYTIME. What about me? That’s a recipe for instant mom guilt. I felt a little selfish taking my nap while she drew and wrote next to me.

how to deal with mom guilt

How can you be the best mom?

That’s a difficult question to answer. I really felt like I should have played with my oldest. However, I’m not as young as I used to be and I really needed a nap. It seems like we are ALWAYS on the go and rest is hard for me to get these days. My toddler’s energy drains me and the daily drop off and pick up isn’t a piece of cake, just ask any mom.

Like I said, taking that nap made me feel the mom guilt. This amazing daughter of mine wants to spend time with me. Why am I not just spending the time with her? Well, guess what? Shut that feeling down, if you get it. Schedule in some time later.

I’m not trying to be mean, but I am not going to say, HEY, DON’T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! It’s no secret I’m an advocate for self care and that includes putting your health first. Like I have said so many times, you NEED to take care of yourself in order to care for your precious babies. Even if I am feeling the mom guilt, I am not going to go back and change my beliefs on self care and self love. I have seen moms wear themselves thin, by not putting themselves first.

Even just a tiny bit.

Self care is important.

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This can REALLY damage you. I’ve seen it happen and it’s happened to me too. Don’t forget to take care of yourself and make yourself happy. If taking the kids out with you all the time just stresses you out, get your goodies online. I always find purchasing online to be a lot easier, especially for beauty products for myself. You can shop Red Aspen here in the link below and stock up on the best nails and lashes, that are so worth it.  Pop on Red Aspen Manicures in a Dash – Shop our Short, Square Nail Dash Collection!

It’s not easy being the best mom you can be.

Being the best mom isn’t a simple and easy task. It’s not something you can just check off and accomplish. I wish it were that simple. However, it’s not. And as a daughter, I’m still counting on my mom to be my role model. This mom life is a never ending job. So, don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s only human if you mess up sometimes. I wish I were the perfect mom, but I’m not and I know I’ll never be. Just keep trying until you feel like you’re doing a good enough job for your child and yourself.

You’re the one to judge on this one. And you’ll know in your heart if you’re doing the best you can do.

I’ll be 100% completely honest with you all, I didn’t feel like I was the best version of myself with my first born. And let me tell you why. I was disorganized, to say the very least. Everything felt cluttered, I was always loosing important phone numbers and addresses. It was all stressful. When I first began planning, I very much changed my life around. A lot of people scoff at me when they hear about my planning hobby. But you see, not only does this planning hobby make me happy, it makes me happy BECAUSE it made me productive.

Getting organized and having a plan is key.

That was all I needed. Getting a planner, as a mom, is one of the best decisions you will ever make in your life. Keeping up with your planner daily and for years, is how you accomplish goals and get to where you want to be in life. You may be a mom but you are also a unique person. Having your goals mapped out isn’t bad for you at all. It’s so productive and healthy. You can get the Erin Condren life planner here and change your life around to be more productive and less disorganized: https://www.erincondren.com/deluxe-monthly-planner-learn-more

Now as a more organized mom, I feel much more better about myself. However, I still feel like I need to work on patience and now, being a more fun mom.

The list is never ending.

Just don’t make yourself feel like you’re a bad mom, because you’re not. You’re doing the best you can do.

Mom guilt comes with being a mom.

This is so true. Mom guilt is part of the mom territory. You just have to accept that this feeling will come and go as it pleases. What matters the most, is what you think of yourself and how you feel inside.

If you’re happy, healthy, strong, and confident that you’re an awesome mom, chances are you are exactly that. You’re reflecting what you feel inside, to others. And that’s GREAT. I only wish that for you, mama. And for me too. And for all the mamas out there. Cheers to being happy, healthy, strong, confident, and awesome moms!

how to deal with mom guilt

I hope these words helped ease your mom guilt.

Until next time,

xoxo,

mrsplanahead

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6 Comments

  1. I’m not a mom, but I have a mom who tried very hard to do it all. There were three of us and my dad was at work all day and I know sometimes she was just frazzled and frayed. But from a kids point of view, none of that mattered. What mattered was that she tried really hard and in my eyes she was perfect. She was my mom. Nothing she could have done would have made her less than the best to me. So if you’re feeling guilt, remember that you’re still a superhero to your kids, no matter what.

    1. This is so beautiful! It’s nice to know you appreciate her so much. Thanks for this, really changes my perspective.

  2. thegracefulolive says:

    Mom guilt is SO real! I think a big part of mom guilt these days is social media. We are constantly comparing ourselves to people we think have it all together. Or even worse, comparing out kids behavior to someone elses kids. ALL of my children are HIGH energy. I tried to take them to lunch yesterday and I don’t know if I have ever been more embarrassed of my three year olds behavior in my life. But I had to remind myself that I am not a bad mom, my parenting skills are perfectly fine and my daughter just has impulse control problems.
    As for the toy problem you mentioned. Same, Same, Same! However we have gotten rid of a TON of toys! And my kids have been so much happier. They were getting overwhelmed with all the things they DID have and would break stuff and just assume we would get them another. Since we got rid of 80% of their toys they actually play with what they have AND they take care of them. Plus it means we arent spending money on new stuff every month, I’m not spending half my day cleaning up after them and we can afford higher quality toys when we do make a purchase! I need to update this post but if you are interested in reading a little more about limiting the toys check it out. http://thegracefulolive.com/about/organized-playroom/

    1. I just checked it out and commented. I’m sorry about how lunch went. Honestly, I don’t take mine out to eat much. My husband and I did for dinner the other week, and my goodness it was super loud and got a lot of stares! Next time, we will def. be ordering in. Lol which we did! Good luck, and they’ll grow up. My oldest acts very good now but now she’s got her little sister to rile her up. haha

  3. I’m not yet a mom, but I’ve seen my mom definitely experience this. We are only capable of so much & only are able to give so much, I think that can be a great reminder when the guilt kicks in!

    -madi xo | http://www.everydaywithmadirae.com

  4. Lovely written from mom’s heart. Mom guilt comes as complimentary gift on becoming mom. No matter how best we try, it catches us one or the other way. Staying organized and giving priority to things and family helps me to handle this.

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